Apostrophes Are Not (Aren't) That Difficult...

One of my biggest pet peeves is bad grammar. Topping the list is the use of apostrophes.

I am constantly reading things written by apostrophe abusers. Whether they don't know the correct usage of the cute punctuation mark or they are simply too lazy to use it properly, I find the errors endlessly.

Can the apostrophe be that elusive to the average person? The concept isn't that tough. If the following word would be "has", "is", "was", etc, then you use an apostrophe. If the word is possessive, you use an apostrophe.

The most incorrect use of the apostrophe is in the word "its" or "it's". This is one of the only places in the English language that the possessive word does not use an apostrophe. So, if you'd say "the apple's seed", the correct apostrophe use if you change the word "apple" to "it" is "its seed". You would never use "it's" here, as that would make the phrase read "it is seed" and not be possessive.

If you are referring to a person's possession of something, you'd say "Bob's apple". If you are talking about a group of people, you never use an apostrophe unless everyone in the group, or the group as a whole, possesses something. For example, you'd say "Happy Jacksons" when referring to the group being happy. The name "Jackson" doesn't need an apostrophe, as it is a plural and not a possessive.

Enough ranting about that. Just remember - when in doubt, sound it out. This means that whenever you are unsure, get rid of all the contractions and use each word as it should be. This should help you figure out where to put the darn apostrophe.

Is the Golden Rule Worth the Pain and Effort?

I often find myself faced with the decision to treat someone the way I would want to be treated or to treat them the way they treat me. Presumably this golden rule thing is a two-way street:

• - If I want to be treated well, I should treat others well with the hope that they reciprocate my goodness.
• - If someone else wants to be treated well, they should treat me well with the hope that I will reciprocate their goodness.

So, in a perfect world, everyone would follow the golden rule and therefore all relationships would be marvelous.

I've discovered that this isn't a perfect world. For example, I will call someone on the phone or send them an e-mail and it takes a fairly long time for me to get a response. My reason for making contact is usually to convey or request important information and therefore I would prefer a response relatively quickly. When I receive a call or an e-mail, I try to respond as I want others to do: quickly. True, there are circumstances which prevent an immediate response, but at the first available moment, I reply.

Now, when I don't receive a response from someone within a reasonable amount of time, here are my considerations:

• - The other person is so incredibly busy that my communication is very low on their to-do list. This implies (but it's not necessarily true) that I am low on their relationship list.
• - The other person never got the communication and therefore doesn't know to respond. This thinking prompts me to write or call over and over to ensure that they know I am waiting on them.
• - The other person doesn't like me enough to actually answer me. This ties in with the first consideration, but ultimately I will never receive a response, as I am not worthy. Not being able to read minds, I prefer the person at least respond once with something indicating that I won't get anything else from them. I hate wondering what's going on.
• - The other person is actively working on their response to me, but hasn't yet finished with it - maybe some research is involved? I'd at least like to know they are doing something.

When I get some form of communication from someone, I generally let them know immediately - either with a full reply or a quick comment stating that I'm working on it. If they know me well, however, and understand how I do things, I may not respond at all until I have my full reply. Because they know me, they expect this and are generally okay with it. I'm the same way with people I know. If they don't respond immediately, but I know that there is a 95% chance they are working on it, I'll just leave them alone.

But what happens when they finally respond to me (with the excessive wait time not being for a good reason)? Of course I am thankful for the response. However, if there is need for me to reply to them, what should I do? Should I treat them the way they treated me? Following my second thought on the golden rule, I would assume that they took a long time to respond because they want me to do the same to them. Following my first thought on the golden rule, I should continue to expect them to see that I am treating them the way I want to be treated.

Will a person even learn from such actions? As children, we were taught that we should be nice to others so that they will be nice to us. But when there was a mean kid, we were told it's not right to be mean back to him; we should continue treating him nicely so that he will learn and appreciate the niceness. Most of the time, this just leads the mean kid to be a bully to the other kids. knowing that they won't be mean in return.

I think this translates to adults. There are plenty of people that never seemed to learn that the golden rule is for everyone, and that everyone needs to follow it if we are to be happy with each other. Those people who are just rude and don't follow the golden rule end up walking all over the people who do follow it.

The morally-correct solution is to do whatever makes you happy. If you enjoy being rude to others and you have no moral objections to it, by all means, continue doing so. But, if you feel that the right thing is to treat others as you want to be treated, then do so and hope that if they don't reciprocate that they get their comeuppance sometime.

I've decided to solve this on a person-by-person basis. Upon the start of any relationship, I'll treat the other person as I want to be treated. This will continue until they treat me differently. I will not make the first negative move, but I won't shy away from reciprocating. I will do this with the belief that the other person wants to be treated badly. I'm tired of being taken advantage of because others see me as a nice person who doesn't like to make waves. I still will not make waves, but I won't let the waves crash over me anymore, either.

As for the question of whether the person will actually learn from any actions, I cannot say. I can only be sure that I've treated people both ways and they never seem to notice. That being the case, I feel that if they treat me poorly and I dislike it, I am free to feel the guilty pleasure of being rude back, knowing that they won't hold it against me. At the same time, I have also come to understand that no one will ever thank me for always being a nice person. People are selfish creatures who generally only think of themselves. Even when they appear to be unselfish, they are really being selfish. But that is a topic for another day.